No Filter

Your Best "Selfie"

Normally when I blog, I tend to spend a couple days planning on what I'm going to say, mainly because I don't want to sound stupid, but this one is different (AKA I planned nothing and I'm flying by the seat of my pants). I recently read a blog post by a woman named Carly, check out her blog here. Carly recently had a post titled My Real Self. In this post, she strips away everything she's hiding behind and posts it all for the world to see. It suddenly inspired me to do the same. Notice how I said "suddenly" and the fact that I'm doing this blog post on a whim? Yeah, it's literally taking everything I have to not press the backspace button a million times and delete everything. But, her courage inspires me, which, in turn, I hope to will inspire some of you. So...here we go.

I'm graduating in May. Yes, I am excited but I am terrified. I literally stay up all night, grinding my teeth from nervousness because I think I'm going to graduate from college jobless, move back into my parents house where I will stay jobless for another year and end up living in a cardboard box or being supported by my parents until I'm thirty. Long story short, I am terrified that I have spent the last four years of my life working towards a career that is a figment of my imagination. 

Next, I am far too dramatic. As you've probably understood from the paragraph above, I overthink things way too much. I try to figure out every thing and when I can't figure it out, I get frustrated. I have been trying so hard to work on that. Honestly, overthinking killed my spirit, made me lash out and drove me insane. But, from where I was to now, I have literally made leaps and bounds of progress. What helps the most is to put all my energy into something else that had nothing to do with what I was stressing out about. When I could feel my anxiety or frustration building up, I would go for a run, write, listen to music, cook or go find a friend! Trust me, IT HELPS!!!!!

Also, I'm a very empathetic person meaning that I feel what other people feel. When I was little, I slept with all my stuffed animals because I believed I was hurting the other stuffed animals' feelings when I only slept with one. Silly huh? Empathy really has its pros and its cons. Its pros are: you feel things more intensely, you have better connections with people and you have a million snuggle buddies (talking about the stuffed animals, folks). However, its cons include putting way too much of your heart into something, getting hurt easily and feeling heartache too intensely. 

When I do get hurt, I have a tendency to cut all ties from what hurt me. For instance, if I get hurt by a friend, I fall off the face of the earth. I don't talk to them or show any sort of emotion towards them. The bad thing about this is I leave a lot of questions unanswered, I ruin something that could have been easily fixable and there is a lack of closure for both me and whoever/whatever hurt me. 

I run away from my problems. Yes, it is so much easier to just drive away from everyone and everything that "ruins your life". I can't tell you how many nights I spent packing my bags or driving up and down the interstate wondering if I really should call it quits and go home. What I realize now is that driving away from my problems wasn't making me stronger. It was proving to everyone how easy it was to break me and make me give up. 

I understand I literally have spent paragraph after paragraph describing everything that is wrong with me. But in all honesty, all these flaws turn into to something beautiful. And that beautiful thing is me. The flaw may be the fact that I'm too dramatic and I overthink too much. The beautiful thing is that my imagination runs wild! The flaw may be that my heartaches are painful. The beautiful thing is I'm feeling them and they always have the ability to heal! The flaw may be that I leave questions unanswered. The beautiful thing is I'm mysterious and I keep you guessing! The flaw may be that I run away from my problems. The beautiful thing is I am spontaneous, adventurous and always ready for more!

My point is, if we embraced our flaws instead of hiding them, we can actually mold them into something beautiful. But we're afraid. We're afraid to show people our weaknesses, to break down walls and let someone see our biggest insecurities. Yet, here I am. I've managed to turn a blog post about my insecurities into inspiration for someone else (...hopefully). Sure, the idea of taking a picture with no makeup on is atrocious or the idea of posting said picture on instagram without using a filter is torture. But why not show everyone what you're made of, flaws and all? Heck, I did. Embrace everything and turn it into something beautiful and inspiring! 

Laine is:
     absolutely crazy out of her mind insane
     spontaneous
     terrified of the future...and sharks
     an animal lover
     loud
     humorous
     a bad dieter
     a great friend, sister and companion
     easily entertained
     empathetic
     b-e-a-utiful 

This is me, no makeup or filters!